Girl’s Night In

The Boy and I rarely spend a night apart. On the night’s he has his son he stays at his, every other night he comes to mine.

Tonight he has his son.

In every possible way it is preferable to me that we are together. I am happier, more relaxed, more inclined to giggle (which I love to do) and generally better when we are together. The Boy makes my face smile.

However… one must make the best of a bad situation.

I sit here on the sofa alone. I am watching 2 Broke Girls and wearing big pants. I haven’t tidied up most of the toys from earlier, I haven’t brushed my hair, and I’m contemplating an early night with my book. These are all things I do not do when I am spending an evening with The Boy. They’re not as much fun as an evening with The Boy but they’re still fun.

When you stop being an “I” and become a “we” certain aspects of your life change. Couple status means compromising, you don’t do all the selfish things you do when you’re alone because you have another person’s feeling to consider. Plus I would genuinely rather be laughing with him than alone. However, there is still a part of me that relishes these evenings on my own. I am very happy in my own company, have a lot of activities that I like doing alone, and sometimes it’s nice to be a slob and not shave your legs.

As we don’t live together, despite spending a lot of time together, these evenings alone happen with enough regularity that I don’t crave them and genuinely miss his company. I know that when I see him tomorrow I will be completely thrilled and giddy with excitement. However, one day (hopefully) we will be living together and then the evenings apart will be far less regular.

As we are both people with independent interests as well as common ones I think it’s important we take the time to indulge these. I don’t want to become lost in a relationship, lose the things that make me “me”, and I don’t want him to lose the things that make him “him”. I love my writing, my yoga and my painting. He loves his comics, his music and his football. These are all things that are brilliant, and interesting, and things we don’t share. I don’t want to lose mine and he doesn’t want to lose his.

In my opinion time apart is important. Not all the time, not to the point that you spend more time apart than together, but every so often. You don’t have to be in different places, be in the same house but spending time on your own stuff. Most days can be dedicated to one another and the fun you have together, but the time apart can be just as valid.

If we were never apart I would miss missing him. Missing him is one of the joys of having him.


About J.J. Barnes

Author of The Lilly Prospero Series Writer and Podcaster at Blogger at Rose And Mum And More Contributor to The Huffington Post
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