A Type

I have a “type”.

My ex-husband, bless him, finds this hysterically funny. He comes to visit Miss Rose and sees The Boy’s comic books lying around, stacks of animated Marvel films, the Rocket Racoon bobble head I bought him for Christmas, and he cackles with glee.

“You’re just dating me all over again” he laughs.

“Yeah, but he’s smarter, funnier, and better looking” I inform him, “He’s an upgrade”

The similarities are obvious. They’re both a similar age, they’re both strong, they’re both hairy. They like the same films and the same comics. And, in different ways, they both like me. So yes, I have a “Type”. A hairy, geeky, strong type.

But is that a bad thing?

I’m not dating my husband all over again because, whilst there are similarities, there are also cavernous differences. Huge, vast differences. Massive.

The similarities aren’t bad. I’m a geek. A TV show binge watching, film addicted geek. It is only natural that I would fall for someone the same. I like guys who are strong, and I like guys who have facial and body hair. I’m not a clean cut, smart suit girl and I never was, so if I suddenly changed into one since my divorce that would surely be weirder than if I fell in love with someone who was hairy. So yes, they are similar.

But they are not the same.

My husband, and the brief relationships I had since, taught me a lot. They taught me what I do like in a partner, and they taught me what I don’t. Showed me what I need and showed me what I can’t cope with. My ex-husband and I are divorced for a reason. Because all the similarities in film tastes in the world cannot make up for the issues in a relationship that ultimately drive you apart.

The Boy, whilst similar in many ways, is a completely different person. For that I am grateful.

Interestingly, and revealingly about my own insecurities, I find my similarities with his ex-wife extremely hard. Perhaps even harder than the differences. And I don’t know why.

Like my ex and myself, he and she get on well still, and there is none of the bitter anger that is common amongst separated parents. They like similar films, TV shows, and music, and they laugh about the same things. She is, he has assured me on many occasions, a really nice person. He also thinks that, due to our similarities, we would actually get on really well if we were to meet under less awkward circumstances.

This shouldn’t bum me out and I’m trying not to let it, but it does. But, as I say, that’s my issue not his and not hers.

Having a “type” is not a bad thing unless it’s the negatives in a person’s character you find yourself repeating. Take the positives from your past relationships, find what you liked the most and connected with most, and repeat those. If you acknowledge the negatives and things you can’t cope with, then see them in a prospective partner, then take it as a sign and run far away. Positives are great to have in a “type” and, in my experience, can lead you to a person you feel truly contented with.


About J.J. Barnes

Author of The Lilly Prospero Series Writer and Podcaster at www.SirenStories.co.uk Blogger at Rose And Mum And More Contributor to The Huffington Post
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