Slut

Starting a new relationship after the breakdown of a marriage is always going to include it’s own complications. There are children, families, friendships… entire lives that suddenly have to accommodate someone else’s children, families and lives, and those of their ex spouses. It stops being about you and another person and the simple meeting of minds and bodies, it becomes a complicated and delicate dance.

I had not appreciated just how complicated this could be.

My will be ex-husband and I have a superb relationship. We’ve let the stuff go that caused us to separate. He hurt me, and I am fairly sure I hurt him. But it’s okay. We dealt with it, we moved on, and now we have a very friendly relationship where Miss Rose is around two happy parents who don’t fight, don’t cry, and laugh a lot. I told him about The Boy as soon as it went from dating to a relationship. It was received with affection. Appreciation for the honesty and respect about involving a man in his child’s life, and offers of support and encouragement. A hug.

The Boy told his will be ex-wife. She too took the news well and without anger or tears. Just an acceptance, a smile.

Naively and without consideration for alternatives, I assumed that was done. He knows. She knows. Simple.

In my head it became as simple as I’m a girl, I met a boy, we fell in love. Whilst our lives have crossed paths sporadically since our time in the same high school, we have not had any contact or communication, it was new, it was fresh, it was something special.

Until I celebrated it.

On Boxing Day we spent the day with my parents. We drank, we ate, we danced and laughed. I shared photos on Facebook of our shenanigans. Laughter, hugs, and lots of smiles.

A girl who met a boy and fell in love.

I was publicly branded a “home wrecking slut”.

Tagging The Boy in these photos flashed them up on his timeline. It meant friends of his and his will be ex-wife saw them. It was declared that not only am I a home wrecking slut but that he is clearly an idiot for wanting to be with me when he could be with her.

I am not particularly sensitive. It takes a lot to knock me. But this man, this man who I had such a simple and pure love for, who’s family and friends I hoped to be able to get to know and be accepted by, matters. The opinions of the people who matter to him matter.

Sharing those photos wasn’t intended to cause drama, or pain, or for anyone to be upset. It was to show absent family and friends the fun we were having, and to join in with the similar fun photos that they were sharing which made me smile so much.

Naïve. Foolish. It’s not just him and me. It’s not just his family and my family. It’s everyone. It’s two marriages, two lives.

I did nothing wrong. I know that. But I didn’t account for the extensive network of people invested in the lives of people involved in marriages, be they together or apart.

My relationship with The Boy is not tarnished by this reaction. If anything it’s brought us closer. They way he and his mother reacted, enveloping me in protection and reassurance, fury at the injustice and sadness at my pain, it made up for the cruelty of the comments.

Live and learn. But one thing I know is The Boy and I are pretty damn solid. It will be fine.

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About J.J. Barnes

Author of The Lilly Prospero Series Writer and Podcaster at www.SirenStories.co.uk Blogger at Rose And Mum And More Contributor to The Huffington Post
This entry was posted in Family, Love, Parenting and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Slut

  1. jodiebloomer says:

    As excited as i was to see a new blog from you, I am now sorry for you for having to go through this. Just concentrate on you and The Boy, and Miss Rose. That is all that matters. Love and laughter. X

  2. vesula says:

    I was thrilled to see your pics, Jude. Let the idiots say what they want, you and The Boy deserve to be happy!

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