Sex Without Feelings

It is perfectly possible to have sex without any emotional connection to the person you’re having sex with. I know this because I’ve done it. However, I can’t always and this is something I’ve been criticised for.

It is the opinion of some that, as a single mother, I should be entirely focussing all my love and energy on Miss Rose. Men should be superfluous, for sex only, and not have any emotional impact on my life.

Miss Rose is the main focus of everything in my life. It is she who I think of first thing in the morning (mainly because she’s climbing on me shouting ‘up mummy’ loudly in my face admittedly), and she is the last thing I think of at night. I dream about her when I’m asleep and think about her all day. She fills my life.

But I refuse to believe that caring about another person will detract anything from the love I feel for her. My new niece, Baby Evie, has arrived in the world and I love her totally. It hasn’t taken any love away from Miss Rose and nobody would ever suggest it has. Love just grows. Develops. Expands to accommodate all who need it.

It came up because he asked who I’m seeing at the minute, as I usually have at least one on the go in some capacity. When I said nobody he expressed shock and disappointment, asked what I was playing at.

I care about someone, not in a brain melting way, not in a can’t think overwhelming way, I just care. And it’s for someone who, in my opinion, is unlikely to feel that way for me. But I adore him in a true and simple way, and have done for longer than I actually realised. So I’m stepping back and just not seeing anyone. Letting these feelings process, not getting involved. Time away from dating.

No matter who I am involved with and however serious it is, or isn’t, Miss Rose always comes first. Always has and always will. I don’t believe that feeling these feelings will hurt her in any way. My friend disagrees. Thinks I need to find someone I don’t particularly like to have sex with to prevent me getting emotionally connected to someone.

But I don’t want to. I’m happy just feeling how I feel, and living my life, and being with Rose. I don’t need someone to just have sex with to the sake of having sex.

Interestingly he did offer his services for emotion free sex. I declined.


About J.J. Barnes

Author of The Lilly Prospero Series Writer and Podcaster at Blogger at Rose And Mum And More Contributor to The Huffington Post
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