I was recently informed by a man who was chatting me up that, in reference to me having a child, “Ah I knew you couldn’t be perfect”.

The dear boy was attempting to flatter me. He was implying that everything else about me IS perfect; personality, intelligence, looks, body, all perfect. Besides the fact this is a blatant lie, charming though it may be, it’s also wrong.

Miss Rose does not deplete my value. She makes me neither worthless nor worth less. To know her is to understand how much she adds to the lives of all who love her, and it is clear that she only adds to my value.

Every so often men are turned off absolutely by the fact I am a mother. It is an immediate shut down; they file me from “potential” to “don’t touch with a barge pole”. It doesn’t happen as often as I expected it to but it happens. More often it’s a case of “meh”. For most, the fact I have a child does nothing to turn them off, nor does it make them more interested. She’s merely a side note. She’s there but so what? They’re interested in me, they like me, I happen to come with a child so c’est la vie.

I think that when men react with the “meh” towards her existence they feel like I should be grateful. They think that by not being horrified and running for the hills that they are doing me, and her, a favour. They are acknowledging her existence and accepting it. She’s there, that’s okay, I don’t mind.

You should mind. You should care. It is not okay it’s amazing. It’s not meh it’s wonderful.

I have had the pleasure of meeting men who celebrate her. They do not see her as a side note. They see her as part of the package. If you want me, you have to want her. If you love me, you have to love her. We come together, and when any relationship fails, she and I will still be together, still strong. You should be honoured if you are allowed into our little world because it is worth being invited into.

Dating as a single parent is going to be hard for a lot of reasons, but especially when it comes to seeing the value of our children and not understanding how others don’t. When a man truly embraces her existence and sees how much she has brought to the world it is hard to resist. She has made me who I am. I love more deeply, stand more proudly, feel stronger, live better, and value myself more since she was born. If you find yourself caring for me because of who I am today, then to not care about her is ignorance. Without her there would be no me. I would be a different person and I wouldn’t be half as awesome. I wouldn’t be half as close to perfect.

And may I just say that I am pretty damn close to perfect. And Miss Rose? Miss Rose is all the way there.


About J.J. Barnes

Author of The Lilly Prospero Series Writer and Podcaster at Blogger at Rose And Mum And More Contributor to The Huffington Post
This entry was posted in Love, Parenting and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Perfect

  1. Grace says:

    Oh wow! This!! Have had many experiences with similar daft douche bags attempting to appear suave and completely inciting a near death wish upon themselves – silly boys with no experience or character. Well written. I couldn’t agree more.

  2. Alexandra says:

    I just love what you have written about who you are because of Miss Rose 🙂 I divorced a year ago, live with my two boys, and have been going through similar experiences and encounter similar attitude on some occasions… and was wondering whether to comment here or under your latest post… sadly, been there too 🙂
    love your blog 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s