Coming to terms with how you look isn’t always easy. There are always things you can improve, make bigger or smaller, firm up, shape up, or just change all over.

I was recently told that if I had “bigger boobs and a bigger bum” that I’d be “sexy”.

Erm… screw you I am sexy. Yes I only have A cup boobs, and yes I don’t have much of a bottom, but I am sexy.

The thing is, people seem utterly fixated on the way we look as being a primary focal point. If I put on some weight (only on my bum and boobs mind you), got a bit of a tan, added some hair extensions, perhaps got fuller lips and more almond shaped eyes, then yes I would look sexier to a lot of people. But that’s not how I look. This is how I look. If I wanted to change it I could cater my exercise regime to “sexy” and get a bigger bum, I could get breast implants, and lip fillers, I could invest in hair extensions. But I don’t start my day every day with “I MUST LOOK SEXY TO RANDOM MEN” in my brain. Being fit and healthy is my goal, feeling good for me is my goal, whether random men think I need a boob job is utterly inconsequential to me.

A friend told me just yesterday that, in terms of my husband’s looks, I could do better. My husband (whilst something of a jackass at times) is an attractive man who has always been popular with the ladies. My friend said this as a way of boosting my ego and encouraging me to seek out a handsome new boyfriend. In reality I would much rather be told that I deserve someone who loves me, is kind, smart, funny and gentle. Better looking doesn’t matter. What other people think of my past partner’s or future partner’s looks is irrelevant.

There is a popular song out now, “All About That Bass” by Meghan Trainor. The song itself isn’t particularly good but it’s catchy and carries a message of female empowerment, to not worry about being curvy because you’re beautiful how you are. Great… but it relies on slating skinny women, and implying that being curvy is better because men prefer it.

Erm… no.

Do not knock me down to build yourself up.

Meghan Trainor is a beautiful and curvy lady with a rocking figure. I’m sure some men do prefer her shape, just as some men prefer mine. But why does how “some men” feel about our bodies give us validation? Why does the fact that some men prefer her curvy shape mean I should be mocked for my slim one? I would never tell a curvy woman she is less sexy than me. Partly because it is simply not true, partly because it’s just bloody rude.

I am not going to bring Miss Rose up believing she has to conform to ANYBODY’S standards of beauty except her own. Whether men think she needs bigger boobs, or women think she’s too skinny, that doesn’t matter. What matters is that she feels good about herself and for who she is. What matters is her mind. I would rather she worried about being kind, clever, loving and good, than whether girls think she’s skinny or men think she needs bigger boobs.

When I fall in love again it will be with a man who IS better for me than my husband. Because he will be loyal and loving and smart and kind and dedicated to us. Whether he is super handsome or an average Joe isn’t the thing I’m going to focus on.

I have come to terms with my looks. I keep myself fit and healthy to a standard I am comfortable with. I know my flaws and weaknesses, but focus on my positives. I’m not everybody’s cup of tea but so what? I don’t care so neither should you. If you feel like you’re ugly or fat, don’t think that pointing out I’m flat chested with stretch marks will change that. Only you can change that. I am flat chested and I do have stretch marks, but I don’t care. Neither should you.


About J.J. Barnes

Author of The Lilly Prospero Series Writer and Podcaster at www.SirenStories.co.uk Blogger at Rose And Mum And More Contributor to The Huffington Post
This entry was posted in Body Image, Love, Parenting and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Looks

  1. Jess says:

    my poor husband is often told that he is “punching above his weight”. I take it as a compliment and he just agrees – we know how we feel about each others looks; thats all that matters

    As long as you are happy with the way that you look why change it?

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