I am often asked if I believe in soul mates.
I didn’t before my husband and I married, and I don’t now. That lack of belief shocked people back then… but it doesn’t now.
It implies that you and the person you are with are connected at the deepest level, that there is no person anywhere else in the world suited to you better, no person in the world that you could ever be so in love with.
The problem is there are so many people in the world you can’t possibly find out if that is true. Also, there are so many people in the world that the odds of meeting the person best suited to you in a conveniently local place such as you might strike up a relationship are ridiculously tiny. Miniscule. Negligible.
So no. I do not believe in soul mates. I do not believe my husband was my soul mate. I do not believe my husband was the only person in the world I could ever love.
But I do believe I loved him. I do believe in love. I believe that what we had was true, and it was real, and it was significant.
But now it’s over.
I know I will love again. I know I will. I know that one day someone else will matter to me just as much, if not more. But that person also will not be my soul mate.
Does not believing in soul mates make me a cynic? A person totally lacking in romance and passion?
I actually think the realism of not believing in soul mates shows more romance and more passion.
To love a person truly and utterly, despite not believing they’re cosmically connected to you and the most perfect person in the world for you, is surely more true and more real? To love someone who isn’t perfect for you, but to love them perfectly. Not because you have to, not because you think they’re “the one” and your “soul mate”, but because you just do. You love them. You love their flaws, you love their imperfections, you love their mistakes. You love them when they annoy you, you love them when they make you angry, and you love them when they’re not around. Not because they’re the one chosen by fate, but because they’re the one chosen by you. Despite everything.
I know that one day, when I’m ready, I will have that. I will love and I will be loved. I don’t know when, I don’t know who, but I know I will.