The Ass Man

On The Bad Date, a rather sexy man appeared at my side, offered me his phone number, and the promise of a better night than the one I was having. Whilst I don’t approve of someone moving in on another man’s date, I was just grateful for the silver lining in the hideous night I was enduring.

I text him. He was good looking, sweet, and his appearance at my side had given me something to smile about.

His text messages were sweet, he offered compliments for how I had looked and told me how terrified he had been of approaching me. Apparently his friend had said he wouldn’t have the “balls” to do it, and he had spent a lot of time summing up the courage. Assertions from the bar staff that I was having a miserable time had sealed his confidence and he was immensely proud of himself. His friend was also proud and called him a “nutter” and a “lad”.

He text me a lot over the following couple of days and asked if I would go out on a date with him, to which I agreed.

Then… shit got weird.

He asked if behind closed doors, and when I’m not being ladylike, if I’m wild. Now don’t get me wrong, I am something approximating wild but I do not tell strange men that.

He told me he has specific requirements in the bedroom. I hadn’t invited him into my bedroom. After this I was pretty certain I wouldn’t be inviting him anywhere near my house… but when time has been invested it feels a waste not to see how freaky stuff’s going to get. I asked what the requirements are.

He said he was planning to have sex with me ASAP. And that he only really enjoys anal so that’s what he wants to do with me.

SAY WHAAAAAA??????????

Now look, I’m a pretty open minded girl and I realise that the bum is something of a goal for many, many, many men. And I know that asking to go up there is something that many, many, many men do. But surely… SURELY… that is a conversation you have later? Much… much… later???

Am I so old fashioned that I’m out of the loop on this? Is the anal conversation something that happens before a man has even bought you a drink now? Before you’ve even shared a meal? Is going up the butt expected on a first date?!

I explained to The Ass Man that I am most likely not his type, that I don’t have conversations like this so early on, and I think he would be far better suited to the kind of girl who is willing to do stuff like that so soon with someone she doesn’t know. But I am most certainly not that kind of girl.

It leads me to wonder how many girls ARE that type of girl? Is this where we are at? Are we living in an age where dating is abandoned, entire relationships are forged via text message to the point of being able to arrange anal sex with a relative stranger based entirely on the written word? I believe in the power of the written word, I LOVE the written word, it is a thing of beauty. But seriously? Good grief. I feel old.


About J.J. Barnes

Author of The Lilly Prospero Series Writer and Podcaster at Blogger at Rose And Mum And More Contributor to The Huffington Post
This entry was posted in Love and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to The Ass Man

  1. tyviner says:

    Wow…. Sorry to laugh at your experience, but still, that’s terrible. To answer your question, no. You’re not that out of touch, it’s still a conversation that most wait to have until much later. And via text message? No. just No.

  2. bamboozled1 says:

    first date = gay bar. LOL
    and tell him youll let him do it when he can tell you how it feels!

  3. pearlandroo says:

    OMG hahaha, What the hell. Too shy to approach you in a bar, and then… THAT!

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