If you have been betrayed repeatedly, and devastatingly, by the men in your life, how do you approach the issue of trust with new ones?

I’m not getting out the violin for myself, as well as the ones who have hurt me, I have a couple of men in my life who have always been there, and always been good and kind. My friend Cliff for instance, he has been in my life since I was 19, and has gone out of his way to help me and support me since we met, without any expectation of return. A good man. A friend. A person I have trusted and a person I continue to trust.

But, for the most part, I have been let down, and I have been hurt, and I have been left scarred both emotionally and physically by these men.

So… if a new man comes into your life, one who appears to, for all intents and purposes, be a good man, do you trust?

Is it fair to assume that every man is the same? No. Is it fair to assume that all men are going to hurt me and my daughter? No.

Is it smart to go into every new relationship with the naivety of youth, blinkered, and assuming that everything will work out well in the end? No…

So what’s the balance?

There has to be a balance where you give a man the benefit of the doubt, allow him to prove himself, don’t assume at every turn that he is going to do something irrevocably wrong, yet still protect yourself from pain. Protect your child from betrayal.

I don’t know what that balance is. I fear that by refusing to trust someone, refusing to allow them close enough, that I will drive them away and lose someone who could be the love of my life. But to allow them in, and allow myself to be swept away as I have come so close to being, I leave both me and my daughter open to pain and hurt that I do not want to face.

Men will come and go, they always have and they always will, but hurt lingers. Scars remain.

I know I will trust again, and I will trust with deep and utter adoration, because I know there are people worthy of that level of trust. I just have to find them, recognise them, and allow them in.


About J.J. Barnes

Author of The Lilly Prospero Series Writer and Podcaster at Blogger at Rose And Mum And More Contributor to The Huffington Post
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