My quest for self fulfilment as an unemployed, single mother, took an amazing leap forward recently. Two friends and I decided to start a business, a business which on the surface sounds utterly depressing, but when you delve deeper into it is actually a very positive and beautiful thing.
It came about at playgroup. A friend’s daughter was playing weddings with some dolls and ran at me brandishing a plastic wedding cake with enthusiasm. It was after I had officially announced my marital breakdown and I was feeling… grouchy.
I informed said child that whilst it was a beautiful wedding cake I was not interested in it and would rather have a divorce cake, thank you very much.
A voice piped up “Divorce cake… there’s a business idea right there”
And a business was born.
The thing about divorce is that it has such a negative image. Divorce parties are angry, they’re bitter. They’re voodoo dolls, black cakes, and very “anti-men”. Divorce is about pain, it’s about neglect, it’s about sadness. It’s about the pain you’ve felt because the man you loved has left, because the life you’ve planned has disappeared, and because you’re facing a life alone.
But is it? Is it really?
The man you loved has left. Yes he has, but if you’re pouring all your love onto a man who can leave you then clearly it’s not the right man to receive that love. If someone doesn’t want your love, doesn’t want to be with you, then you shouldn’t be offering your heart to them because life is too short. He’s left, giving you the freedom to find someone deserving, or to realise that being alone is actually the most fulfilling life you can lead. Self love is worth more than the love you get from someone else.
The life you’ve planned has disappeared. Yes, it has. I had my whole life planned out, when we were going to have more babies, where we were going to live. Now? Now I don’t know. Now I’m faced with an open life ahead of me, where I don’t know where I’ll be, what I’ll do, who I’ll know. I’m living somewhere different and making new friends. I’m starting new business and experiencing a new life. It was scary at first, terrifying, but now I’m doing it I know it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. Life ahead is not a void of missing things I’ll never see, it’s an open plain just waiting to be explored and discovered.
I am facing life alone… but I’m not. I’m facing life ahead with my beautiful baby girl, my wonderful friends, and my family. Being alone doesn’t make me feel lonely and sad, it leaves me in control of my life. I am not living to someone else’s standards, I’m living to my standards. I’m not living with the concern of making someone else happy, I’m making me happy. Being alone is not an altogether bad thing, and when I do meet someone and fall in love and embrace having a man in my life again I am sure that will be a wonderful thing too, but until that happens being alone is not the hideous thing people expect.
Most divorce parties channel the anger, but this view of divorce lead us down a different path. We designed and created a cake with a positive colours, colours with messages of happiness and new life. It sparkles with glitter, it has a sparkling explosion of colour from the top tier, which is shaped in a letter D for Divorce. We want our divorce parties to be about happiness and excitement. We want our divorce parties to celebrate a new life, not begrudge a lost one.
We also wanted to turn the website into a hub for women, where business that make women feel good, empower women, can advertise. Photographers, spas, manicurists, colleges. Because divorce can knock you down, but we want to build you back up again.
One of my friends I am running this with wrote a song. An amazing song with the line “Get up off the ground, get out on the town, get on with your life”. We are hoping to produce a music video with real women who are separated and divorced celebrating their futures. It’s going to be a video all about the fresh start and not letting the pain crush you.
So… here I go! I launch a new business which could launch my new life.
Check it out!