The Divorce Cake

My quest for self fulfilment as an unemployed, single mother, took an amazing leap forward recently. Two friends and I decided to start a business, a business which on the surface sounds utterly depressing, but when you delve deeper into it is actually a very positive and beautiful thing.

Divorce Cake.

It came about at playgroup. A friend’s daughter was playing weddings with some dolls and ran at me brandishing a plastic wedding cake with enthusiasm. It was after I had officially announced my marital breakdown and I was feeling… grouchy.

I informed said child that whilst it was a beautiful wedding cake I was not interested in it and would rather have a divorce cake, thank you very much.

A voice piped up “Divorce cake… there’s a business idea right there”

And a business was born.

The thing about divorce is that it has such a negative image. Divorce parties are angry, they’re bitter. They’re voodoo dolls, black cakes, and very “anti-men”. Divorce is about pain, it’s about neglect, it’s about sadness. It’s about the pain you’ve felt because the man you loved has left, because the life you’ve planned has disappeared, and because you’re facing a life alone.

But is it? Is it really?

The man you loved has left. Yes he has, but if you’re pouring all your love onto a man who can leave you then clearly it’s not the right man to receive that love. If someone doesn’t want your love, doesn’t want to be with you, then you shouldn’t be offering your heart to them because life is too short. He’s left, giving you the freedom to find someone deserving, or to realise that being alone is actually the most fulfilling life you can lead. Self love is worth more than the love you get from someone else.

The life you’ve planned has disappeared. Yes, it has. I had my whole life planned out, when we were going to have more babies, where we were going to live. Now? Now I don’t know. Now I’m faced with an open life ahead of me, where I don’t know where I’ll be, what I’ll do, who I’ll know. I’m living somewhere different and making new friends. I’m starting new business and experiencing a new life. It was scary at first, terrifying, but now I’m doing it I know it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. Life ahead is not a void of missing things I’ll never see, it’s an open plain just waiting to be explored and discovered.

I am facing life alone… but I’m not. I’m facing life ahead with my beautiful baby girl, my wonderful friends, and my family. Being alone doesn’t make me feel lonely and sad, it leaves me in control of my life. I am not living to someone else’s standards, I’m living to my standards. I’m not living with the concern of making someone else happy, I’m making me happy. Being alone is not an altogether bad thing, and when I do meet someone and fall in love and embrace having a man in my life again I am sure that will be a wonderful thing too, but until that happens being alone is not the hideous thing people expect.

Most divorce parties channel the anger, but this view of divorce lead us down a different path. We designed and created a cake with a positive colours, colours with messages of happiness and new life. It sparkles with glitter, it has a sparkling explosion of colour from the top tier, which is shaped in a letter D for Divorce. We want our divorce parties to be about happiness and excitement. We want our divorce parties to celebrate a new life, not begrudge a lost one.

We also wanted to turn the website into a hub for women, where business that make women feel good, empower women, can advertise. Photographers, spas, manicurists, colleges. Because divorce can knock you down, but we want to build you back up again.

One of my friends I am running this with wrote a song. An amazing song with the line “Get up off the ground, get out on the town, get on with your life”. We are hoping to produce a music video with real women who are separated and divorced celebrating their futures. It’s going to be a video all about the fresh start and not letting the pain crush you.

So… here I go! I launch a new business which could launch my new life.

www.TheDivorceCake.co.uk is also on Facebook and Twitter.

Check it out!

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About J.J. Barnes

Author of The Lilly Prospero Series Writer and Podcaster at www.SirenStories.co.uk Blogger at Rose And Mum And More Contributor to The Huffington Post
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8 Responses to The Divorce Cake

  1. aveline07 says:

    Love this idea! Good luck on your new venture. I have heard that ‘divorce parties’ are on the rise, and in fact a friend told me you can actually put yourself on a registry!

  2. Me says:

    Cake doesn’t make women better. It makes them fat. God forbid if I ever get divorced, for whatever reason I will never ever celebrate it. My marriage isn’t just a union between husband and wife. It’s a mutual bond between husband/wife/children. If my husband divorced me or vice versa, he/I have effectively divorced our children too and broken the promise we also made to them when we committed to each other In matrimony. We are in this together as a family. That would be nothing to celebrate.

    • judieannrose says:

      Unfortunately it does happen, and whilst it is easy to feel that way when you’re in the relationship, once you’re out of it I think finding the positive is the way you survive. The pain at first is overwhelming but you move on.

      • Me says:

        Trust me I have endured severe heartache. I just prefer to keep my dignity and stay private about it. I can assure you there won’t be any men making such a fuss over it. Good luck tho if you think it helps xx

      • judieannrose says:

        I think everyone handles things differently. I never expected to end up divorced. I truly believed it was my future to be with him forever.

        If something can make a woman feel better when her heart has been broken and her family torn apart then I believe it is a good thing, because showing that life goes on is important. It’s not for everyone but nothing is.

  3. Me says:

    Fair do’s. I come from a situation where my parents divorced. I have happy memories of them loving each other and they always reassure me that they once did and always will in a way. That is what makes part of me, me. If I ever found out my mum/ dad had partied hard because they were so happy to get away from each other then that would be my childhood in question. I would be mortified to think the two people who made me hated each other so much they had to celebrate it. Why don’t people just save their money and their children’s feelings and just get a £5 tshirt made saying ‘I failed at marriage’ ??? I might start a business?? X

    • judieannrose says:

      That’s the thing, we don’t hate each other. It’s not about hating each other, it’s about accepting a change in your life and celebrating it for what it is.

      I agree most divorce parties are about that, the anger and the bitterness. But this is different. It’s embracing the change.

      My husband and I still get on fine and speak regularly. But that doesn’t mean that the breakdown didn’t cause me a great deal of pain and left me questioning where my life was going and what I was going to do and if I would ever be happy again. To realise that actually yes I will be happy, and yes there is a future for me, that’s what I want celebrating. It is not the loss of the husband, and the loss of the family life, it’s the future you’ll have despite the loss of those things.

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