A conversation with my cousin earlier made me think.

She was asking if any of the men I have in my life would be interested in her. And I had a think. Sure, some would, but a lot of them have at some point in our relationship expressed an interest in me. Those men, if they find me sexy, would not find my cousin sexy. And vice versa, those who find my cousin sexy wouldn’t be in the least bit attracted to me.

We are slammed from birth with images of what is beautiful, what is sexy. But actually it’s all a load of crap.

Take my cousin and me. We are both attractive women in our twenties (me later than her but still), and we both have men find us sexy. But we could not look more different.

I’m 5″7, a size 8 with A cup boobs. I’m pale with big dopey eyes and long limbs. I’ve been compared to Bambi on more than one occasion.

My cousin is 5″4, a size 14 with DD cup boobs. She’s mixed race with beautiful olive skin, dark hair and dark eyes. She’s curvy and striking.

Nobody would ever imagine us to be related we are so different in appearance.

Yet we are both sexy. We are both attractive. We both have men express an interest in us.

So what is sexy?

The idea that you have to have a perfect 10 body with perfect perky C cup boobs, and a year round tan is one that is perpetuated by magazines. That is what we aspire to. And don’t get me wrong, the women who fall into that shape are stunning. They are sexy. And they should not be judged and criticised by the rest of who do not look like that, because we all look how we look. We were just born this way.

So, if sexy isn’t looks, it must be attitude.

A lot of the time when people talk to me, chat me up, they comment that I look happy. Ask what’s put me in a good mood. Usually nothing, I’m just generally a smiley person. I think a smile projects confidence (even when you have none), it makes you look approachable, and it makes people feel at ease around you. Once people feel happy around you, and assume you’re happy, then the rest of it follows.

Don’t get me wrong, looks counts. People usually have a physical type and it might be tall, it might short. Might be curvy, might be skinny. Might be dark, might be fair. Everyone has a “thing” that attracts them. But if you put two people who look similar side by side, I swear in the most cases it’s the person who looks smiley and relaxed that people will be attracted to.

So this is my advice. Don’t get hung up on whether you look like someone else who you think is sexy. Don’t try and emulate a person who’s body type is completely opposite to your own. Embrace who you are, and how you look. And work it. Make the most of what YOU have. Because what you have is what makes you sexy. Show off what you have, enhance your positives, the things that make you feel good about yourself, and forget the rest. Because so often the things that you’re hung up on as being negatives will steal your focus and nobody else can see them, all they can see is you looking anxious and uncomfortable.

SMILE. Smile smile smile. Look people in the eye when you talk to them. Laugh freely. Be you, because YOU are awesome. You are you and there is nobody else who is you. So work it. Who you are is damned sexy.


About J.J. Barnes

Author of The Lilly Prospero Series Writer and Podcaster at Blogger at Rose And Mum And More Contributor to The Huffington Post
This entry was posted in Body Image, Love and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Sexy?

  1. jodiebloomer says:

    Are you talking directly to me? It seems like it. I need to be smiley and happy and sexy. I need to try. x

  2. paultbell says:

    new to wordpress, great read, feel free to follow me

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