When a relationship breaks down it is inevitable that people will pick sides. Yes there may be pleasantries if you meet in the street, and the occasional “like” on Facebook, but basically you are with him or you are with her.
My friends are most definitely with me, obliviously. They are also completely certain that I am completely in the right. His friends must feel the same way about him, which is fair enough. I feel somewhere in the middle. Yes he hurt me and betrayed me, but I don’t believe anyone is ever 100% culpable in any situation. I have done wrong too.
The majority of his friends happily cut me from their lives, I am incidental as their friendship is with him. I was an add on… Now a cut off. I received a couple of “hope you’re alright” messages after he first left, and have received a warm greeting and sad eyes from those I’ve run into, but not in a way to imply that further friendship is anticipated or sought. I don’t begrudge this, I expected it really. My friends have cut him off, and they were all very close to him too.
Sides have been chosen.
That said, occasionally someone might surprise you.
I deleted all his friends off my Facebook page. It was not an act of vengeance or petty punishment, and I am not angry with any of them, but found their feeds to be hard. Photos of my husband laughing with friend, comments about his antics, were becoming incredibly difficult to see. Especially given his frequent cancellations, or simple lack of communication, regarding his daughter. It was too hard and I felt a fresh start was needed. So I had a cull.
Almost as soon as I deleted her, one of his friends re added me. She massaged me to ask after me, to tell me she reads my mummy blog, and that she’s thinking of me. She insisted she understood why I had deleted her, and wasn’t offended, but would like to remain friends.
I am not stupid. When a person I like reaches out and offers a hand in friendship I take it, and an afternoon playing in the sunshine with Miss Rose was arranged.
I have never asked my friends to pick sides or drop their friendship with him to support me. I haven’t and I wouldn’t. I don’t know if he had of his friends but I cant imagine so. All I know is I am extremely grateful to my friends who have supported me and held my hand through this whole debacle, and I am incredibly touched by a new old friend who was come back.
It is said that when times are hard you learn who your true friends are. Luckily,for miss Rose and I, true friends are not too hard to find.