My mum, Miss Rose, and myself move as a herd. Generally, on the days my mum’s not at work, we’re bobbing around together. Swimming, shopping, playing in the park. Usually where one is you’ll find the rest of us.
We call ourselves the coven. The maiden is Miss Rose, the mother is myself, and my poor mother operates under the title of the crone. She’s remarkably good spirited about this title.
I’m incredibly grateful for this close bond we all have. Miss Rose completely adores her, her “Ahgi”, and feels as safe and happy with my mum as she does with me.
In the last couple of months I have relied more heavily on my mum’s support than normal. I often feel close to the edge. I’m holding it together, but I know it wouldn’t take much for me to end up in a heap. I’m biting my nails to smithereens again and in the first few weeks after he left I completely lost my appetite and lost two stone in weight. Having a mum I’m this close to and who is so supportive and kind has really saved me.
We have regular “coven days”. These were a feature of my whole life not just recently, and are particularly excellent days. We don’t do anything special necessarily, we will generally have a coffee and a swim at the gym, go for a wander round some charity shops seeking bargains, have a spot of lunch in a pub, then do our food shops for the week. It’s a very relaxed affair, but that’s precisely why it’s special.
My mum is busy, she works hard and is extremely popular so often has friends coming in the evenings. Consequently we are often pushed for time when we go places together. On a coven day we are not pushed for time. On a coven day we can unleash Miss Rose in the park and just follow her to see where she goes. We can let her puddle stomp and hunt pigeons. We can amble around charity shops chatting and looking at clothes without worrying about getting home. We dedicate a whole day just to us, just to being together and being family.
On a coven day I don’t feel sad. Even if we talk about the sadness, talk about stresses we have in lives or work, we don’t feel sad. We just enjoy.
My mum is massively important part of my life and my relationship with her is why I was so desperate to have a daughter. I wouldn’t have been unhappy if Miss Rose had been a boy but I’d have definitely wanted another child. Having Miss Rose means if I never find another relationship, if I’m never in a position to have another child, I won’t mourn. I won’t grieve. Any future children will be a luxury. Miss Rose was an essential. I honestly think if I hadn’t had her my mental health would have been impacted quite severely, my desperation for her for as long as I can remember was intense, and having her has given me a feeling of satisfaction and happiness that nothing in my whole life has ever given me.
I truly hope that in years to come, once we have got through the teenage years when I was, quite honestly, a little bitch, and therefore I expect Miss Rose to follow suit, I hope we will have the same closeness that my mother and I have. I hope we can carry on the tradition of coven days. She will grow, she will move, she will travel, but hopefully every so often she will come home to her mum and we will have a mooch all together.