Today is a day of mixed emotions.
I love Mother’s Day. Even before I was a mother myself I loved it because I have an amazing relationship with my own mother, and it has always been a day of happiness. Last year was my first Mother’s Day as a mum myself and it was spectacular. I was spoiled for gifts, my husband treated me like a queen, and I felt amazing.
This year it’s different. This year I am alone, and I am sad. I had an amazing day with my own mum, we had a lovely time and Miss Rose had a wonderful time too, but there was a sad awareness of the lack of Him.
But, to my surprise, he did acknowledge it. I beautiful bouquet of flowers was delivered for me, including a card “for my wonderful mum, love Rose”. It was touching and it was thoughtful.
I have tried on several occasions to get him to talk about our relationship and the breakdown, but it doesn’t come to much. I have reached an acceptance that perhaps our days of discussing “us” are gone, but just because there is no “us” anymore as partners and lovers, it doesn’t mean there is no “us” as parents.
Being around him is lovely when he’s in as daddy mode. He is chatty and happy and enjoys her, and she adores him. Being daddy, even if it is a very occasional thing, works. Trying to discuss anything beyond Miss Rose just doesn’t happen. But maybe that’s okay.
We are eternally tied together as parents. Whether he sees her or not she is part of him as well as me. If we can, and it would appear we can, get along and enjoy her then I can let the rest of it go.
We are not partners. But we are parents.
Being parents is bigger than any “us” stuff I could ever come up with. And being parents is something bloody marvellous.
I am a single mum and this is my day.
Happy Mother’s Day x