I have been reliably informed that I am a flirt.
I assume this is not an insult. I don’t think it’s a compliment… merely an acknowledgement of a personality trait. Rather like saying “You’re a happy person” or “You’re a grumpy person”. I’m a flirty person.
Prior to getting married I was a… wild child. I think that’s the most appropriate description. They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. I kissed my fair share. Plus a few other people’s fair share. And still married a frog. These antics might mean you expect me to not only be a flirt, but to be used to receiving reciprocal flirting. But I’m not. It genuinely shocks me.
Today I text a friend of mine with a description of a conversation I had with a personal trainer at my gym. I was pondering as to whether it was flirting. She thought it was hysterical and assured me that yes he was indeed flirting with me. I was rather chuffed.
My self esteem took something of a beating in recent years. I am now coming around to the idea that I might be attractive, and that I might be desirable. After weeping, and vomiting, in a drunken state whilst a dear friend mopped me up and comforted me I discovered just how insecure I am. Apparently I kept crying and asking if I’m sexy. At that moment I’m fairly confident the answer was a firm “NO” but perhaps the rest of the time I am. At least in my own way.
I am also discovering that my flirting happens unintentionally sometimes. I have reduced friends to tears of laughter with things I come out with, things that are completely inappropriately rude, before flinging my hands to my mouth and blushing. It’s happening more and more. The longer I am apart from my husband the more I flirt with people.
Is it a bad thing?
Nah. It’s fun. I’m blushing less and enjoying it more. I’m panicking that I’ve said something stupid less and wondering if they’re flirting back more.
I’m not going to be having a relationship any time soon. Right now I just want to focus on my daughter and myself, and keeping us happy and healthy. But some fun flirting? It makes me feel good and hurts nobody. So have at it I say.
My name is Judith and I’m a flirt.