My husband left me. It was unexpected and it hurt. But I am a mother.
In the morning I kissed him goodbye, told him to let me know what he wanted for dinner, he said “see you later”. I got a Facebook message to inform me he wouldn’t be there when I get home.
Any urge I had to scream, shout, drink and swear had to be shelved. I had to carry on. I had to go to the supermarket, take the baby swimming, and keep calm. It helped. The mornings I couldn’t face getting up I still had to get up. Drink some coffee, take a deep breath, and face the day. Life HAD to continue.
I find myself now, several weeks on, in a position I consider positive. I was abandoned by the man I trusted most in the world, but I have my home and I have my daughter. I saw, in an instant, the marriage I valued so dearly be shredded and stamped on, but I am now free to live and love as I choose. I am now a single mother with a high maintenance toddler, but everything is my decision.
My life is not what I expected it to be. But perhaps it will be better. Perhaps my life will, despite the sudden change in direction, be improved.
I am starting over.
I am no longer the housewife and stay at home mum, how can I be a housewife when there’s no husband? I am a single, unemployed mother who, for the first time in her life, is on benefits. Whilst I see no shame in receiving benefits, and am extremely grateful for their existence, it was never something I expected to receive. I will need to seek employment… I will no longer be the stay at home mother I always longed to be.
My life has changed. My future has changed.
At some point I will want to consider dating. I will want a new relationship. I will need to, in order to do that, actually meet someone. Someone with whom I can see myself building a life. Someone who isn’t my husband. I thought I had already had my last first kiss.
Starting over. Yet again.
Single mum. And so much more.